193

img_8806

Officially burnt out.

A rollercoaster two weeks of emotional highs and lows from all fronts – family, personal, work and health, have gotten the better of me.

And now, we pick up the pieces and re-build.

Looking back, there were times when I wanted to throw in the towel; hitting rock bottom with no light for guidance. All I had was this voice telling me “Just give it one more day”. And each tomorrow became one more day.

So let’s take it one more day at a time.

img_8745

For the longest time, I had the answer to what I wanted to do.
The original plan was to understand the industry of employment, how rapid and extensive outsourcing and automation would replace jobs, the types of jobs they would replace and how to rebuild the education system to address the changing nature of employment for future generations.

It wasn’t until someone asked me how I envisioned my life at 40 did I realize the only driving force I had in my life was my career.

Growing up poor with no parental support allowed me to have a sharp focus on career and obtaining wealth quickly – tuition, first property, basic living necessities, travel and luxuries.
But now, as I become more stable financially and career-wise, I realized I have neglected the other portions of my life, including my health and interpersonal relationships.

“Am I happy?”.

There is no simple answer.

“Am I free?”

No.

So let’s find freedom.

-b.

Advertisements

Seek


A few of my guy friends told me recently that they always thought I was this aloof, stoic and cold bitch because I never talked much nor was I ever warm and fuzzy during our first few meetings. Yet, despite the years that passed, I was one of the only ones who still stayed and stuck by them. Always just a phone call or message away.

Just because my castle is a fortress, does not mean I never cared. I’m just very selective of the people I choose to let in.

When all those shadows almost killed your light, I remember. 

Everything will be okay.


If you truly knew me, you would know that that smile doesn’t come often. 

On the outside, everyone sees the hyper aggressive, super driven, no-nonsense girl who dons a forever funeral attire. The realist.

Hypocritically, I’m an idealist at heart.

One of the things that frustrates me the most is how casually people throw around those 6 words here.

I miss you.

I love you.

When I was eating dim sum with my dad, one of the waitresses screamed thank you, miss you, love you, you’re the best, to another waitress so casually, just because they went to grab a towel. 

Yet you know, deep down, other than superficial words, there is nothing. 

Those words are thrown around to secure a non-existent collegial bond that is mired by jealously and spite.

Why bother with the theatrics?

When I say them, I truly mean them.

And here, another wall is built.

-b.

Ghost


Real courage is allowing yourself to be vulnerable to others.

Sometimes it means allowing yourself to fall.

Sometimes it means admitting that something is not working and walking away.

For me, when people venture too close, I disappear.

A ghost.

On the surface, they all look perfectly happy and well put together.

Underneath, there are thousands of pieces to pick up. 

-b.

Success

What does success mean to you?

Earlier this week, I attended a funeral for one of the biggest players in the Food and Beverage Industry. Rather than a solemn gathering, it was held as a celebration for his life.

The man was in his mid-40s when he passed, definitely taken too young.

But in his life, he carved a name for himself, his company, becoming a key player in his industry. He had a successful business, a loving family, beautiful kids. He was humble, smart and willing to lend a helping hand. A rarity.

It was an afternoon of learning about the man behind the scenes, his adventures with others and how he dedicated his life to his two loves, his family and his business. You look at his life and you know he was successful.

As I was heading home, I ended up in an uber with a man in his mid-40s as well. He explained to me how he chose to become a full-time uber driver after he paid off all the mortgages for his family, allowing him to quit his job. He had very little financial obligations after the mortgages. Another humble man, he said I would not be able to see him for another 6 months because he was flying to Tokyo to study dog care. He wanted to return to HK to build a dog care centre.

Whether its building an empire or being able to live your life in your own means, success is what you make of it.

It got me thinking, what do I want my success to be defined as?

What is my legacy?

-b.