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Officially burnt out.

A rollercoaster two weeks of emotional highs and lows from all fronts – family, personal, work and health, have gotten the better of me.

And now, we pick up the pieces and re-build.

Looking back, there were times when I wanted to throw in the towel; hitting rock bottom with no light for guidance. All I had was this voice telling me “Just give it one more day”. And each tomorrow became one more day.

So let’s take it one more day at a time.

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For the longest time, I had the answer to what I wanted to do.
The original plan was to understand the industry of employment, how rapid and extensive outsourcing and automation would replace jobs, the types of jobs they would replace and how to rebuild the education system to address the changing nature of employment for future generations.

It wasn’t until someone asked me how I envisioned my life at 40 did I realize the only driving force I had in my life was my career.

Growing up poor with no parental support allowed me to have a sharp focus on career and obtaining wealth quickly – tuition, first property, basic living necessities, travel and luxuries.
But now, as I become more stable financially and career-wise, I realized I have neglected the other portions of my life, including my health and interpersonal relationships.

“Am I happy?”.

There is no simple answer.

“Am I free?”

No.

So let’s find freedom.

-b.

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Not even sure how this happened.

No matter how hard I push you away.
No matter how much I yell and scream.
No matter how many flaws I show you.
No matter what I throw at you.

You are still here.

Why?

We live on different planets whose orbits don’t intersect.

My planet has extreme weather conditions and dangerous animals.

Your planet is filled with rainbows, unicorns and flowers.

Why would you ever want to visit mine?

-b.

 

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That was my face throughout my acupuncture session this afternoon to the amusement of my Chinese Doctor.

In the past month, I’ve been having severe cramps, water retention and looking paler than usual. It got to the point where I was forced to see a Chinese Doctor after my coworkers saw me curled up at my desk today.

What ensued was an hour of pure hilarity for my Chinese Doctor as she had to listen to my broken Cantonese when I described my symptoms.

On the topic of my diet, she flipped through my Instagram because my Cantonese was pretty much non-existent for vegetable vocabulary. Bemused, she chuckled and cooed me into submission.

And then came the flood of needles all over my abdomen. Whilst she poked and prodded, she chuckled at my face winced in pain, all the while screaming “I am okay”.

Well, at least we know my superpower is making people laugh at the most mundane of situations.

-b.

Seek


A few of my guy friends told me recently that they always thought I was this aloof, stoic and cold bitch because I never talked much nor was I ever warm and fuzzy during our first few meetings. Yet, despite the years that passed, I was one of the only ones who still stayed and stuck by them. Always just a phone call or message away.

Just because my castle is a fortress, does not mean I never cared. I’m just very selective of the people I choose to let in.

When all those shadows almost killed your light, I remember. 

Everything will be okay.


If you truly knew me, you would know that that smile doesn’t come often. 

On the outside, everyone sees the hyper aggressive, super driven, no-nonsense girl who dons a forever funeral attire. The realist.

Hypocritically, I’m an idealist at heart.

One of the things that frustrates me the most is how casually people throw around those 6 words here.

I miss you.

I love you.

When I was eating dim sum with my dad, one of the waitresses screamed thank you, miss you, love you, you’re the best, to another waitress so casually, just because they went to grab a towel. 

Yet you know, deep down, other than superficial words, there is nothing. 

Those words are thrown around to secure a non-existent collegial bond that is mired by jealously and spite.

Why bother with the theatrics?

When I say them, I truly mean them.

And here, another wall is built.

-b.

Ghost


Real courage is allowing yourself to be vulnerable to others.

Sometimes it means allowing yourself to fall.

Sometimes it means admitting that something is not working and walking away.

For me, when people venture too close, I disappear.

A ghost.

On the surface, they all look perfectly happy and well put together.

Underneath, there are thousands of pieces to pick up. 

-b.

Review: Keto OS


Ketosis in a nutshell is when your body uses fat as fuel rather than glucose. This either happens when you are on a low carb diet or through taking ketone supplements to tell your body to burn fat. 

KetoHK gave me a sample of their Keto OS formula. They were also very informative and guided me through exactly how to take it and what to expect. 

  1. Take it in the morning as it has caffeine 
  2. Take it with 500ml of water
  3. Drink it slow: 30min
  4. Your stomach will feel funny especially if you’re not used to ketones

My other suggestions are to avoid taking your morning cup of joe because you will feel the gradual kick and you may not need the extra caffeine and to eat 30min after you finish Keto OS. The reason why I say that is because it generally takes, on average, 30min for stuff to move through your stomach. And with any change to your diet, it’s best to do a slow introduction. 

I was surprised at the colour because it looks like a yogurt drink whereas it’s chocolate flavoured so I expected a deep brown colour! But hey, less colouring.

Overall – it’s easy to drink – it tastes like a less thick version of a chocolate protein shake. You do have to remember to keep stirring it because the supplement sinks to the bottom. 

If you aren’t used to the chocolate taste in protein shakes, you may not be used to the taste. 

What really surprised me was how focused I was for the entire morning. It felt like I was on Red Bull. I drank it at 8:40AM and by lunchtime, I was still quite alert. The feeling did fade a while after lunch. It also kept me quite full. I actually didn’t feel hungry until around 11AM. If you have a light breakfast with it, it can take you straight to lunch without snacking. 

Even though my body has gone through cycles of ketosis before through my training, this time, I felt less tired and my body didn’t seem to reject it because I wasn’t trying to force ketosis through carb restriction. 

Your digestion system will feel different. Mine felt like it was working harder so there were some grumbles in the morning but no bloating.

Let’s see what the effects are tomorrow.

KetoHK
-b.