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Not even sure how this happened.

No matter how hard I push you away.
No matter how much I yell and scream.
No matter how many flaws I show you.
No matter what I throw at you.

You are still here.

Why?

We live on different planets whose orbits don’t intersect.

My planet has extreme weather conditions and dangerous animals.

Your planet is filled with rainbows, unicorns and flowers.

Why would you ever want to visit mine?

-b.

 

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Somewhere out there
Beneath the pale moonlight
Someone’s thinking of me
And loving me tonight

Somewhere out there
Someone’s saying a prayer
That we’ll find one another
In that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there
If love can see us through
Then we’ll be together
Somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

-b.

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That was my face throughout my acupuncture session this afternoon to the amusement of my Chinese Doctor.

In the past month, I’ve been having severe cramps, water retention and looking paler than usual. It got to the point where I was forced to see a Chinese Doctor after my coworkers saw me curled up at my desk today.

What ensued was an hour of pure hilarity for my Chinese Doctor as she had to listen to my broken Cantonese when I described my symptoms.

On the topic of my diet, she flipped through my Instagram because my Cantonese was pretty much non-existent for vegetable vocabulary. Bemused, she chuckled and cooed me into submission.

And then came the flood of needles all over my abdomen. Whilst she poked and prodded, she chuckled at my face winced in pain, all the while screaming “I am okay”.

Well, at least we know my superpower is making people laugh at the most mundane of situations.

-b.

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Days I give you to prove me wrong about the people here.

Days I have to make a lasting impact on those I care about.

Days I have to leave behind some good.

Exactly 4 years.

That’s how long I give you.

And then I bounce.

Singapore or Shanghai?

-b.

Fragile

You know, you are actually very fragile.

Not just your stomach issues. You tend to believe in people and it just does not work in Hong Kong.

I know. Believe me, I know.

As much as I can see the world in all its beauty, there are those days where I lose that ability.

There will always be those who just come to you to complain.
There will always be those who want to take advantage of you.
There will always be those who want to see you fail.
It is just more rampant in Hong Kong.

How many of these so-called acquaintances hit me up right after they find out I am single?

Hey, do you want to come to my house for drinks?

No. Please stop texting me.
No. Please don’t send me nudes.
No. Please stop talking.
I can only be polite and courteous for a short period of time.

Which is why, I just want someone to tell me to move.

2,589km.

Say the word and I will fly.

You once asked me, what I liked about you.

You were the only person in a long time that asked nothing from me.
You are the only person I cannot figure out.
Your walls are the only ones I cannot break.
You are also one of the only ones who knows exactly what to do when I am lost in the dark.

You keep running, for what? For freedom.
Yet, you yearn to be caged. A home, if you will.
That’s a bit convoluted, don’t you think?

I know.

It’s not the loneliness that gets to me.
It’s just getting infinitely difficult to find the good in people.

How deep do I have to dig?

Rather, should I just stop trying?

 

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These contact lens always makes my eyes look so teary.

Decided to do a clean reset to my GI tract by taking laxatives to flush everything out.

Then we do an elimination diet starting with just bananas, congee and fruit vinegar since I have low stomach acid.

I will also have to cut back on the fibre, eliminate caffeine, sugar, carbonated water and probiotics.

Since my IBS affects my muscle contractions, I got magnesium and potassium supplements to help regulate it.

Time for rehab.

Wish me luck.

-b.