Day 266/365

99 days left in 2018, how do you want to spend it?

Everyone goes through a “New Year, New Me” phase where they go through drastic changes to their lifestyle in an effort to improve themselves.

But often times, it’s all about the vanity and superficial beauty.

What about inner beauty?

In a society so fixated on perfection, the foundations are often neglected as a result.

When you feel lost or trapped, it’s easy to spiral out of control and we often dig a deeper hole for ourselves.

But what if we could change our perspective?

Earlier today, I was sharing the story of my social enterprise to a fellow serial entrepreneur.

To be honest, I was upset because I ended up selling the enterprise to an immigration company when it couldn’t run according to it’s original purpose.

To which he reassured me that it still helps people, rather, it helps immigrant students build a life in Canada rather than all university students.

That clicked. In the past 5 years, I always felt like a failure for selling the platform because I couldn’t get it running as my vision intended it to. But now, that heavy heart has been lifted.

For the next 99 days, I intend to finish my book so I can help more people while getting over my own insecurities.

Sometimes I wonder about the people I cross paths with and about the audience who reads my blog.

What goes on in their minds while they sift through my words?

Do I inspire people?

Do I upset people?

I wonder, what impact do I have on others?

What can I do to make the world a better place?

-b.

Advertisements

Day 259/365

img_6245

In the middle of a concrete jungle, there is a man-made forest with a man-made waterfall that we call The Heart.

It got me thinking, what was beauty?

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

My question is – is beauty perfection? Or is beauty flawed?

Is beauty a standard?
Is beauty a feeling?
Is beauty a sensory event?
Is beauty encompassing?
Is beauty forevermore?

When beauty is perfection; the solace we seek becomes nevermore.

img_3275

I remember the one who challenged me to take this photo while I was jetlagging in Las Vegas.
I remember the stories we shared about doggo annoying the tree folk.
I remember complaining about the angle of the photo.
I remember not being satisfied with my makeup that day.
I also remember being told perfection is not necessary that day.

My mind is my own undoing. Often times, I find it wandering aimlessly, chasing after a whim on a hamster wheel.

So the practice I adopted is to change the scenario, allowing it to be trapped in the happy memories instead.

My happy place?

Theme parks.

There’s no better feeling in the world than allowing yourself to be transported to a fantasy land where you absorb every detail, every nuance and every creative energy that was poured in its fabrication.

-b.

Day 255/365

Been having disordered eating and sleeping patterns lately, guess the stress really did hit me harder than expected.

Sometimes when bad situations happen to you in waves, the only thing you can do is ride it out and count every small blessing.

It’s easy to fall into a depressed state and it’s okay to be all gloom and doom for a week but it’s time to snap out of it.

I remember at my lowest point a few years back, someone told me:

You are exactly where you need to be.

Those words stung at the time.

But now the words offer solace because every time I hit a low point, it’s what I keep reminding myself.

So something bad happened, now give yourself time to grieve and let’s dig ourselves out.

Figuratively and literally, I am climbing myself up and out.

-b.

Day 252/365

IMG_3469

I still remember when this photo was taken – I was waiting for my bus in Orlando to head to the airport for a 19hr flight back to Hong Kong.

But two hours before this photo was taken, I was busy face-timing with my good friend Karlton in Singapore while trying to finish packing my suitcases before I had to check out. Best part – I tripped and fell over my suitcase and all I could hear was Karlton screaming “are you okay?!”

An hour before this photo was taken, I was then on Skype with my best friend Lina in Toronto while I was doing my makeup in the middle of Universal Studio’s Cabana Bay Resort hotel food court. I was also stuffing my face with proper shrimp and grits.

That’s when I started reflecting on how much this trip meant to me.

It was over three years of hard work, building an abandoned desk from scratch in Hong Kong and making it profitable enough to be recognized as a Global Top Biller in my company. The reward was an all-expenses paid trip to Las Vegas. Building off that, I decided to treat myself to a week in Disneyland and Universal Studios in Orlando, something I wanted to do for a very long time.

It was two weeks of self-reflection, learning to love myself more which means of course, learning to accept my own flaws.

I was also single and happy.

No pursuers, no crushes, no noise – just me running around in theme parks, getting lost and being in awe of the space around me.

IMG_3473

I remember I saw this sign when I was took a wrong turn at Disneyland and ended up in a dead end.

Walt Disney hit the nail on the head with this quote – it defines purpose spot on.

Those who know me, know I love the phrase “memento mori” – Everyone must die.

A bit cryptic at first, but it reminds us, we are all human and we all have a limited amount of time on Earth. Whether we use that time to do good or to do bad or to cruise through life, that is up to the individual.

But for me, I want to contribute. It’s what drives me.

I chose recruitment because I want to build careers for others.
I chose to build my NGO to help underfunded students in Toronto.

-b.

 

143/365

I hope this will be the last time I tell this story again.

But as you may know from my Instagram, I recently moved to Singapore and a multitude of bad luck happened that hit my finances and health pretty hard, leading to a very stressful first week.

The stress was bearable because I had my boyfriend to lean on and I thought I would get through the worst of it because I had the support from my friends overseas and him here. He was also the closest person to me in Singapore.

Unfortunately, on Monday, my world crashed down on me hard.

I found out he cheated on me, not through his mouth, but from the girl he cheated on me with. And the information came to light in the form of a very condescending Facebook message to me. And that wasn’t the first lie that was revealed to me on Monday night.

After a long discussion, the painful realization that nothing could be salvaged, we broke it off.

If you asked me, were there red flags, the answer would be no.

Throughout the period of long distance, it was quite the contrary. He made sure I knew who he was with, where and when. We would be on the phone daily catching up.

But people can lie, can’t they?
But people can hide, can’t they?

I realized the information he gave me was not always the true picture but during that time, I chose to trust.

I will be honest and say, I am not the type of person who deals with emotion very well. I tend to repress and fight. But this time, due to the stress and the fact that I only had him to rely on in Singapore, Monday night was something I could not process. My brain shut down and I was in shock. I could not sleep, could not eat, could not feel. I was numb.

The next morning, the pain hit me hard. My brain was trying to overanalyze every action, every word and every scenario of our time together. And it did not make sense. Like a hamster trapped in a wheel, my mind was running in circles and again, I could not process any of it.

We had our last conversation on Tuesday, trying to finish what we started on Monday. To be honest, although it was painful, there was also a tinge of relief and closure that I am seeing now. In hindsight, there were times when I doubted our relationship, mostly due to his behaviour and alcohol. Having worked in Hong Kong for 4 years, I knew alcohol was part of the East Asian culture, but I expected responsible behaviour.

The pain is subsiding slowly and I am glad the new friends I’ve met here have been very understanding and helpful during this period. I can’t tell you how glad I was for them to force feed me when they found out I was not eating and their periodic and frequent check-ups on me.

I know I will get through this. It’s just a matter of time.

I know I will be able to trust others again. It’s just a matter of time.

-b.

128/365

img_1785

Decided to restart this blog with a new theme – both aesthetically and content-wise.

Overall, I wasn’t too happy with the direction it was going. Sometimes, constantly deep diving and talks of heavy topics are a bit too much. Been thinking a lot about balance in my life, so will be taking a lighter heart approach this time around.

As many of you may know, I will be relocating out of Hong Kong on Saturday so I have been quite busy packing and coordinating with moving companies in the past few weeks.

The past few months have been crazy with traveling, major changes to my professional and personal life and it doesn’t look like it will stop anytime soon. I haven’t really gotten any time to catch my breath, but this type of busy, I am loving.

I guess that’s about all I want to share at the moment.

Stay tuned.

-b.